Umme Sara Blessing Corner

 Cheating- Betraying your spouse- an act which is as common as daylight and yet it affects NOT only one but many in ways that no person can ever comprehend.

I chose this topic because this is the MOST common question & issue that I come across. I have yet to come across a woman whose husband has not cheated on her. In fact - recently during Urs mubarak at Havelian Shareef in Abbotabad, a woman was crying & saying that her husband is cheating on her with another woman & to that -a woman sitting close by replied, "so what?"I was stunned & turned to ask her for clarification & she replied that cheating is so common nowadays that most women often take it in their strides & show indifference to such acts either for the sake of money, wealth or children.

That was her explanation.I spoke to several women about this phenomenon & most of them replied by saying that yes, they are aware that their partners cheat on them- sometimes- physically & sometimes emotionally- but either way- they ignore it because that is what a marriage is about!!

To be honest- I am shocked & even appalled at this explanation. Because this is NOT what a marriage is about. The holy Quran says in Surah Baqarah- Verse no. 187-"they are your covering and you are their covering."

This is what a marriage is about-being a shield, a covering- now who would want to wear a dirty covering? Except those who prefer dirt & filth themselves!Because the Quran also says in  Surah An-Nur,verse 3: “Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman.” 

Now- the Quran clearly states that an adulterer is for an adulteress.Here, ALLAH (Subhana hu wa ta'aala) explains that a person's bad deeds will be faced by themselves in their lives. Like the proverb -"What goes around, comes around".

When a man commits adultery- either physically or even in thoughts or even through on-line chatting- this is cheating- NOT ONLy cheating on their wives but also on THEIR own selves. Because each & every one of our deeds is what will allow us to earn Pleasure of ALLAH or the Wrath of ALLAH. So, by committing "zin'a" or adultery in any form- he is hurting his own self.

For his spouse to ignore this for reasons of money, security or children is also wrong as she is NOT ONLY allowing her husband- for whom she is a support to commit mistakes & stay on the path of wrong BUT also she is allowing their children to know that this is a justifiable and an approves act as LONG AS YOU DONT GET CAUGHT!!

Such mothers & wives- are also in a way cheating on their husbands- because by allowing them to continue on the path of wrong- so that they get benefited personally- they are cheating their husbands by not supporting them on the path of right.

Having affairs is fun- because the thrill that a man seeks in a marriage might not be any longer there in his own marriage BUT then such a feeling is not lasting because if it finished in the first instance- then it will surely finish in this one as well. 

Men also seek such pleasure outside when they don't find peace or understanding with their partners. What they fail to realize is that peace is two-sided. A marriage between two people is about understanding each other's faults & weaknesses & loving & accepting them- NOT trying to change them. When your partner is upset- specially a woman- who are often prone to emotional outbursts- rather than running into the arms of another woman- open your arms for your wife & see the change in her.Then when she is at peace- she will give you peace.

But- if you run away from this to another woman- remember she is also a woman who might appear very cool in the beginning but at the end she will also have these emotional outbursts- then where will you run to next? Another woman then another?? End of day- you will not find peace.

Some men simply cheat because it is in their nature- well for such men- inshaALLAH- you will suffer all forms of STD's & die a painful death & for their wives- who truly loved them & tried being patient for the sake of ALLAH- trust me- ALLAH will give you a loving spouse in place of such a loser IF You are patient & believe in ALLAH.

Now- we come to how men cheat- they will make phone calls at all times of day. They will make excuses & go for "appointments" where they will NOT pick up your phone calls.Or simply- they will go on LONG business trips. 

Either of these things- the cheating man has to realize that NOT only is he hurting another human being  which is a sin in Islam. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said- 'Make things easy (for people) and do not make them difficult, and cheer people up and do not drive them away.' (Sahîh Bukhârî, Sahîh Muslim) 

Indeed- the cheating husband drives away all the ones who loved him for who he is by making difficulties for them. For eg. a cheating husband will not take your calls- even if you are sick or your child is sick or simply if you are alone & need to talk to someone.

Or else- they will not show up for dinner or show up & be indifferent & aloof not realizing that by doing this- they are turning away the people who really love them.

I came across this question on Yahoo Answers & I want to share it here as it has a key point that I would like to discuss-

Broken77

(How can islam help me get over my Husband cheating on me?

My husband who prays 5 times a day cheated on my 8 months ago with anuother muslim women. When i found out about the affair is was stupid enough to think that as they are both muslims they would not have committed 'Zina' but they have. this has broken my heart. My husband has come back to me and claims that he will never do this again but i find it hard to get past the fact that he was capable as a Gos fearing man to do this. and this intern has made me move away from my deen becuase i think that Allah can't really give Janat to someone who has hurt people and committed a forbidden act just because he does his namaz.

• 3 years ago)

Her husband prayed 5 times a day & this must be a shock to her indeed. But what is important to realize is that by simply doing the exercise of prayers- no one can become a true muslim. The right form of prayers is NOT to pray with your limbs ONLY but pray with your mind & soul so that every time you pray you picture ALLAH in front of you. Once you do that- then no problem, no trouble & no other need or desire will take you towards cheating.

Cheating is for cowards. Men- who are no longer men cheat on their wives so as to feel the manliness once again. A real man will make his woman feel like a woman & himself like a man. He will not need any support for doing that.

And those women who support such men are not good human beings- they are the devil's follower. Patience is another thing BUT to ignore such a thing & allow your husband-your better half to stay on the wrong path is a bigger wrong in itself.

Having an affair can break up your marriage. When you cheat, you break the promise you made to your husband or wife on your wedding day, hamper with the trust and respect you’ve built as a couple, and put your marriage at serious risk for separation or divorce. 

Wives of cheating partners rarely find trust and peace within themselves because the worst betrayal is betrayal by your OWN.

Recently, two economists, Bruce Elmslie, chair of the Department of Economics at University of New Hampshire’s Whittemore School of Business and Economics, and Edinaldo Tebaldi, a professor at Bryant University, researched the economic costs of cheating for men and women. Using a survey that included a question about whether you’ve had an affair and many others about various characteristics – from your feelings on religion to your socio-economic status – the two analyzed who would be more or less likely to cheat and what influences their decisions. About 3,000 men and 3,000 women responded to the survey.

Below is a list garnered from their research about which men and women are more likely to cheat on their spouse. Read on to see if your husband or wife falls into one of the higher risk groups for cheating:

Men Who Are More Likely to Cheat on Their Wife

In general, men are 7 percent more likely to have an affair than women.

Men under the age of 55 are more likely to have an affair than those who are older.

Unhappy men are 13 percent more likely to cheat than their happy counterparts.

Education plays a factor. College-educated men are 3 percent less likely to have an affair than men with a high school education or less.

Men who live in cities are more likely to cheat. Elmslie says he believes this is because there are more opportunities for men to cheat in the city because there are simply more people, and it’s less likely you’ll get caught.

Finally- I would like to tell those men who cheat and think that they deserve it because their wives are ugly, old or simply angry & hurtful- remember- "What goes around comes around" or as ALLAH has said in the Quran- "An adulterer is for an adulteress"- so most likely- your act will be returned back to you either through your spouse or through your children or through the extra-marital affair- BUT it will come- wait & watch.

For the women- I tell them to be patient & trust in ALLAH & show your husbands that they are committing a sin & save them from the fires of Hell- don't just think of yourselves!! Also- change yourselves- try & be like your husband wants in a woman because THAT is what marriage is all about- loving each other & trying to make each other happy.

May ALLAH bless all of you & your families & I hope & pray that if any of you are going through this ordeal may ALLAH remove this difficult time for you all & keep you in HIS Mercy & Care. Ameen